Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Love Letters to the AM.
They have been kicking my ass for the past weeks; no stress though, I'm a born fighter. Nevertheless, this morning I felt it-the pain, the horrible regulation of my eating habits, and sleepless nights wondering when they were coming again. Them, they it, school, work, technology- and everything else that may come between; but like I said, I am a born fighter. Therefore I "suck it up," keep it moving, listen to my soothing music, try to take baths instead of showers (when time permits), indulge in a glass of wine, and speak to God more.
I think it is working most days... but the end is near and my body knows that it will soon be able to rest, and I think it may be disappointed at the possibility of my future pleasure.
Hands unknowingly writing love letters to 3 am, if we ever meet again on these terms, I need you to know, I... well I really don't know how to say it, but I, I love you. Come hither soon, push those buttons, hold my eyes open; know that I am waiting, because without you I would have peace.
I think it is working most days... but the end is near and my body knows that it will soon be able to rest, and I think it may be disappointed at the possibility of my future pleasure.
Hands unknowingly writing love letters to 3 am, if we ever meet again on these terms, I need you to know, I... well I really don't know how to say it, but I, I love you. Come hither soon, push those buttons, hold my eyes open; know that I am waiting, because without you I would have peace.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Religious, Maybe?
Religious, Maybe? (Am I Really Single # 2)
I never knew he was the religious type, until he told the people at the bar I was his lady. Speaking what is not, as if it were...
Last conversation we had, I minimized us to lust. Told him, sexy, intelligent, spiritual and all, I'm good. You cannot give me what I want. My conclusion was cool though, I have a lot on my plate, entertaining a male companion is not in my schedule... not yet at least.
Even with no desire to "have" him, he was looking quite pleasing to my eyes last night. I tried to do the head nod and keep it moving; but, he wasn't having that. Grabbed my arm, pulled me in-- for a hug. (Yeah he's grabbing again...no kiss this time-he's learning, even if it is at his own pace.) Hugs, are cool, I'm a hugger. Anything beyond that with no "true attachment" to you, is a problem. But I guess I didn't make a big enough fuss last go 'round with this cat.
Or maybe I did, time passed, I had a few drinks and I made my way to and almost from the ladies room without an incident. That was, until someone tried to holla... twice. He was "Watching" me, and he definitely wasn't having that. So to mark territory that he never marked, he approached this man, and simply said, I guess you didn't get the picture... this is my lady!
So of course the questions I asked myself when evaluating my single state resurfaced. What have I said or done to give him the impression that it's cool to claim me? I chucked it up to religion-- he must know his Word.
I never knew he was the religious type, until he told the people at the bar I was his lady. Speaking what is not, as if it were...
Last conversation we had, I minimized us to lust. Told him, sexy, intelligent, spiritual and all, I'm good. You cannot give me what I want. My conclusion was cool though, I have a lot on my plate, entertaining a male companion is not in my schedule... not yet at least.
Even with no desire to "have" him, he was looking quite pleasing to my eyes last night. I tried to do the head nod and keep it moving; but, he wasn't having that. Grabbed my arm, pulled me in-- for a hug. (Yeah he's grabbing again...no kiss this time-he's learning, even if it is at his own pace.) Hugs, are cool, I'm a hugger. Anything beyond that with no "true attachment" to you, is a problem. But I guess I didn't make a big enough fuss last go 'round with this cat.
Or maybe I did, time passed, I had a few drinks and I made my way to and almost from the ladies room without an incident. That was, until someone tried to holla... twice. He was "Watching" me, and he definitely wasn't having that. So to mark territory that he never marked, he approached this man, and simply said, I guess you didn't get the picture... this is my lady!
So of course the questions I asked myself when evaluating my single state resurfaced. What have I said or done to give him the impression that it's cool to claim me? I chucked it up to religion-- he must know his Word.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
A Minute (Editorial Style Edition)
I did not mind the ring; especially since I was reduced to eye contact. I could not touch, I could not taste, but I could look. And I knew it had been far too long since I’ve seen someone worth staring at, so I allowed my eyes to summarize his physique, gave my thoughts space to wonder and simply licked my lips. Slowly.
His returned look was pleasant; warm and righteous, even if but for a minute. He wanted to know me. Remembered his vows, but he wanted to recite them to me just to see if after all these years he would smile the same way at me. Me, his wife that he never met or married but dreamed of understanding— the curves, moist spots, imperfections and thought process. He wanted to live in my thoughts, and I wanted to live in his, slowly. Even if only but for a minute.
His returned look was pleasant; warm and righteous, even if but for a minute. He wanted to know me. Remembered his vows, but he wanted to recite them to me just to see if after all these years he would smile the same way at me. Me, his wife that he never met or married but dreamed of understanding— the curves, moist spots, imperfections and thought process. He wanted to live in my thoughts, and I wanted to live in his, slowly. Even if only but for a minute.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Chewing the Feet Off
Yet another "exhaling moment" about the state of Black America. (Applies to all races, but hits home for me)
I thought I knew disappointment. When my mother took a break from buying me my barbies, because I would chew the feet off, I was disappointed. Once she began to buy them again, and coined them as "collector's items" I was disappointed. I had more growing to do before I could appreciate her "investment."
Now, at a stage where I am taking on my own responsibilities and am no longer chewing the feet off of my barbies, I still experience disappointment. Yes within my life at times, but that is not the point of this blog. I am sadden with the state of females today. The young ones, the mother's who raised them, and the mother's who raised them.
I see generations go in and out of the office seeking assistance for one to eight children (sometimes more) and themselves. With at times an educational level that hasn't passed the 9th, or even worse, the mother has completed the 11th grade. One more year to go. Pop the baby/babies out, apply for assistance, and never go back to school.
Policy states one particular person, cannot receive any form (financial or food supplement/stamps) assistance for more than 60 months (5 years) and in this 5 years you should be able to get your act together and provide for self and child/children. 5 years! Are you serious?? I have never been the one to like a "hand-out" but I do realize help is needed at some point; but at what time do we say enough is enough, let me teach you to fish.
Then I'll have the customers who come in, yelling, "What am I supposed to do, I can't feed my kids!" Every bit of me wants to say, Do the same thing I'm doing... Work! But I can't so I silence my actual thoughts because they may find their way out... and try to help them feed their kids.
Summary:
I am in no way discrediting all, but many that I come across in my line of work cause me to carry a burden. One that I am not built to bear, nor would I like to, but as a passionate person I am not able to turn my emotions off and on simply because I don't know the person on an intimate level. I care for them and what they represent, that, being me, and am left disappointed and wanting more.
*(Not disclosing my exact job title intentionally)
I thought I knew disappointment. When my mother took a break from buying me my barbies, because I would chew the feet off, I was disappointed. Once she began to buy them again, and coined them as "collector's items" I was disappointed. I had more growing to do before I could appreciate her "investment."
Now, at a stage where I am taking on my own responsibilities and am no longer chewing the feet off of my barbies, I still experience disappointment. Yes within my life at times, but that is not the point of this blog. I am sadden with the state of females today. The young ones, the mother's who raised them, and the mother's who raised them.
I see generations go in and out of the office seeking assistance for one to eight children (sometimes more) and themselves. With at times an educational level that hasn't passed the 9th, or even worse, the mother has completed the 11th grade. One more year to go. Pop the baby/babies out, apply for assistance, and never go back to school.
Policy states one particular person, cannot receive any form (financial or food supplement/stamps) assistance for more than 60 months (5 years) and in this 5 years you should be able to get your act together and provide for self and child/children. 5 years! Are you serious?? I have never been the one to like a "hand-out" but I do realize help is needed at some point; but at what time do we say enough is enough, let me teach you to fish.
Then I'll have the customers who come in, yelling, "What am I supposed to do, I can't feed my kids!" Every bit of me wants to say, Do the same thing I'm doing... Work! But I can't so I silence my actual thoughts because they may find their way out... and try to help them feed their kids.
Summary:
I am in no way discrediting all, but many that I come across in my line of work cause me to carry a burden. One that I am not built to bear, nor would I like to, but as a passionate person I am not able to turn my emotions off and on simply because I don't know the person on an intimate level. I care for them and what they represent, that, being me, and am left disappointed and wanting more.
*(Not disclosing my exact job title intentionally)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Three Hours
Going off of three hours of sleep, and trying not to lose a beat.
With work, school, personal projects and leisure time, I find myself quite exhausted. "Everyone" says, you can sleep when you die; but I think I would at least like to be well rested enough now, to enjoy my today. But when can I sleep? Will I ever get eight hours in, and truly feel refreshed?
Where did my naps go? I use to be able to take a nap a day, but now, I'm lucky if I get a nap every two weeks.
After work the other day, I wanted to get a manicure, and a pedicure. For whatever reason I decided to come home... and take a shower... and, without being planned, quite the shower, I took a nap. Passed out on my bed, still dripping slightly, with a towel covering me.
Tired doesn't begin to explain what I was experiencing. And I have the nerve to want a second job! But money talks right, and bills have the potential to go to collections if you don't pay them... So, I guess for now, I'll take three hours of sleep opposed to none, and push forward in the A.M.!
With work, school, personal projects and leisure time, I find myself quite exhausted. "Everyone" says, you can sleep when you die; but I think I would at least like to be well rested enough now, to enjoy my today. But when can I sleep? Will I ever get eight hours in, and truly feel refreshed?
Where did my naps go? I use to be able to take a nap a day, but now, I'm lucky if I get a nap every two weeks.
After work the other day, I wanted to get a manicure, and a pedicure. For whatever reason I decided to come home... and take a shower... and, without being planned, quite the shower, I took a nap. Passed out on my bed, still dripping slightly, with a towel covering me.
Tired doesn't begin to explain what I was experiencing. And I have the nerve to want a second job! But money talks right, and bills have the potential to go to collections if you don't pay them... So, I guess for now, I'll take three hours of sleep opposed to none, and push forward in the A.M.!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A Father's Love
So I finally watched the movie Taken!
I loved it; the passion, the intensity, the calculated but careless violence. I loved it all. This movie shows the lengths a father is willing to go to save the life of his child.
A definite must see.
Trailer:
"Best Scene:" As coined on a search:
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